Obsessed

I am literally obsessed with beading right now. When I'm not beading, all I can think of is beading and when I'm beading, my brain is quiet.

I'm currently working with white. Spent all day yesterday bezelling cabs and still need to do a few pearls with bezelling. I'm hoping this will be a nice bridal piece :)

Three new pieces

Finished 'Deborah' about an hour ago... just adding two others that I got done a few weeks ago :)

Work in progress

Marilee, I wanted to bring out the right hand side of the piece so it would be a bit more balanced :) Not completely, but somewhat. I'm now working on the strap to go around the neck. Hopefully I'll be done tomorrow evening.

For Kelly

Kelly, the backs of the cabs are covered with black leather... nice and soft :) Freeform brickstitch is definitely my favorite stitchs :)

Some more of what I'm working on

Still working on it and still wondering where it's going. I know it'll be a necklace as it's way too much for being a cuff, but how I'll do the straps and that is still in the air. Still have some work to make it more symmetrical.

Better today

Frank seems to have let things go which is a relief to me. He's been telling me about the different animals that were kept penned in at the place where they stayed. He said that the lady who runs the place even took the kids with her to feed the hog, llamas, deer, etc.

It is getting downright chilly now. This is the kind of weather I like. Didn't want to get out of bed this morning because I was just too cozy. We're keeping the heat at 72 in the house and that seems to be enough for Frank not to get the chills but not so warm that we're burning money. My roses are in full bloom and they're talking about possible snow on Friday.

This will be the only kind of snow I like. The kind that drops and melts within a few hours. Hopefully the people driving the streets will be smart..... yeah, right.

He's home

I was happy to see him come home and that lasted for all of 30 seconds. My step-daughter came in, gave me a hug and went to the washroom and Frank came out of our bathroom and didn't say hi, give me a hug or anything. I went into the bedroom to watch him unpack and all he could say was 'you should have come', 'the kids didn't understand why you couldn't come'. I had to leave the room.

After he'd been home an hour, I finally went out to where he was sitting at his computer and asked him if I could at least get a damned hug or something and started crying. He pulled me into a hug and sighed. I told him that I knew I had let him down and he said that it wasn't that I had let him down, but that he just felt like I didn't want to be with him. I pointed out that in all the time we've been together, this was the one time I couldn't do it. In all of the trips we've made together, this was the first time I couldn't handle it. I told him that me not going had nothing to do with him... it had to do with the fact that it was just one trip too many for me in such a short period of time. We went to Canada in July, Georgia in September, then he made plans to do another trip in November.

I don't know how to explain to him that nothing I do is meant to hurt him. I don't really understand how he could think that way anyways. I've always been gung-ho about going out and doing things together and then the one time I have to say 'no', he feels like I don't want to be with him. I don't think he comprehends the enormity of what he said. Now I feel that if I'm having a bad time of it and he wants to do things, then I HAVE to do it or else I hurt his feelings. I just don't know how I can do it.

He said that he wasn't as concerned about his memories of the trip as he was that I wouldn't have any memories of it. That if this is his last Thanksgiving, that I'll be regretting that I didn't go. I told him that I did enough of that here at home. I thought to myself that when he's gone, this is what my life is going to be like with no comfort of knowing that he's coming home. And I had to STOP myself from thinking about it. I couldn't sleep for two nights because I obsessed over the thoughts.

I hate being mental. I HATE it.

Mania

I'm in real high gear right now. And this is after taking 2 xanax earlier today for the same reason. I think I might just be anxious about Frank coming home tomorrow and worrying that he may still be mad. I'm not too sure he will be because he's not one to hold onto anger for long, but all the same...

On top of that, my back molar seems to be infected again. I have a crown on it, but the dentist did warn me that a root canal might be needed in the future. That's going to have to wait until the new year. Until then, I'll have to go back to the doc for more antibiotics.

Dammit, I'm too hyper! I've been trying to bead, but my arms and hands are shaking too much. I don't want to take anymore xanax, so I'm between a rock and a hard place.

busy bee

Jumped out of bed this morning after a night of restless sleep and drove into Alvin to deposit my disability money into the bank, then came home and have been cleaning and rearranging in short bursts. I'm finding I can't keep the pace for long before I need to stop and take a break.

Finally got the kiln out of my craft room and into the garage where it will be set up. Moved all my glass stuff into the garage and when Frank gets home, we'll start setting up. I need to get two large organizers and one 6 foot table to work on. I've got all the tools and lots of glass, so now all I need is to set everything up.

I'm hoping that by doing some housework, I'll sleep better tonight. I had weird dreams... I went to Italy and got my purse stolen. Lost my passport, money, etc. All through the night, I kept waking up going 'where the hell is my purse??'. Then I had a nice chat with Benjamin Bratt. Don't ask me why, I haven't a clue. I think the guy is handsome, but I've never gone ga-ga over him. Haven't even seen him on the tv lately, so I have NO clue where he came from.

I know I'm not going to be hyper all day, so I'm getting done what I can. I have tomorrow to do some work, too, so if I space it out, I could have the house clean by the time Frank gets home!! That'd be cool, but I'm not going to fret over it.

Can't get any beading done. I don't know why, but when I'm by myself, I can't sit for long. I feel this incredible need to get into the truck and just drive, but I've got nowhere to drive to. Well, I do, but I'm not going to the store. I was supposed to work tomorrow, but had made arrangements for someone to cover for me, so I don't think it'd be fair to go in even if I need the company. That's the bitch of it. I feel like I need company and yet I know that if I go to a friends place, I won't want to stay long because I'll want to come home. It's nuts.

At least I feel like I'm accomplishing things! I have more room in my craft room now! Everything for fusing is now in the garage where it will be set up soon! I'm not going to say 'by Christmas', but hopefully after the holidays.

Working on something new.

A good friend of mine gave me these druzies and I'm finally getting some motivation to use them :) Not sure where it's going.